Kids Quotes

A boy picks up the telephone.
    -My dad? And who, may I ask, is calling?
    - His boss?
    - Which one - the old mule or the total idiot?

-"Sir, would you like some of my candy?"
-"Thank you, young man. that`s very generous of you."
-"Is it tasty?"
-"Sure is."
-"That`s strange - both my guinea pig and my cat spit it out

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son
standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event.
The man thought, "Great...he`s 4 and I`m gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees.
No need to jump the gun - I`ll just let him ask, and I`ll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said,
"Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one Dad." gasped the still wide-eyed lad.
Just as the father is preparing his birds and bees story, his son asks -
"How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."
A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I`m going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says you`re one of the poorest preachers we`ve ever had."

A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she tuned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn`t know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the woman answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why did I invite all these people to dinner?"

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said: "Did God throw him back down?"

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."